Money…
I am wondering if I am the only mental sucker that is inhabited by a strange dark force that makes me look through forgotten ATM receipts and check stranger’s balance just for kick. I can’t help myself, I walk up to an ATM and they are just everywhere. Either on top of the machine itself or on the counter where people put their bags and always forget their keys or cellphones like retards because they are “always in such a hurry”. Anyway, as I wait for my transaction to be processed, the small discarded crinkled pieces of paper seems to look me in the eyes and start screaming in unison like the little green Martians from Toy Story “Choose me! Choose me! Choose Me!”
It always feels good, in a Saudi Arabia Petroleum Mogul kind of way good, to know that some loser only had $23.64 remaining in his account. My pissing purchase power so fucking PNW YOU NUB! On the flip side it’s always a near heart attack aneurysm terminal balls cancer experience to discover that some bastard got 26.000.00 fucking dollars available to spend over the weekend. How can you just hold on this insane amount of money in your checking account and not spend it already? What the fuck is wrong with you Scrooge? Get a fucking life already, hell buy one for fuck sakes. Go out, travel, drink up chicks like martinis and live grand, make it happen dickhead. Come on, if I had that amount of money it would not be hard for me to find a better way to entertain myself than withdrawing 20 bucks in a less than stellar area of the city at 23:46 on a Friday night. Believe me I’ll pack that yatch and fuck it.
It’s beyond my comprehension that some people spend, how ironic, their life amassing tons and tons of money and this is probably why I will always stay a dead broke pisshead. Time is money; well fuck me… I’m always late.
November 2nd, 2005 at 4:50 pm
I go one further and play this game with myself where, before I pick up the ATM receipt, I ask, “Would I trade balances wiiiiiith THIS GUY!” and then I look at the receipt to see if I won. It’s really, really sad what I’ll do to stay out of the office another ten seconds.
November 2nd, 2005 at 7:20 pm
Haha “in a Saudi Arabia Petroleum Mogul kind of way”
November 3rd, 2005 at 5:26 am
In all honesty, I’m fairly certain your balance PWNS ME NUB. Just saying.
November 3rd, 2005 at 8:48 am
Dan: I didnt think about that but sounds like greta fucking fun to me. I’l give it a try next time, I’m sure i’ll be in for a good laugh and kick in the balls.
Mark: Don’t make fun of the minorities would you… well fuck it in that case you can.
Lisa: I wouldn’t be too quick to say that if I was you. You could be pleasantly surprised…
November 4th, 2005 at 2:23 am
I alwats check other people’s receipts. I either then think the perosn is OK or I hate them for having more money than me… Kind of sick, but glad to know other people check them too.
November 4th, 2005 at 8:45 am
Shellbug: Glad to know we’re not alone in this situation indeed, I always though I was the only sick freak that woudl do such a thing.
November 4th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
Damn, and I thought I was the only one that read other people’s ATM receipts. It is pretty damn crazy the differnec there can be from one receipt to the next.
November 5th, 2005 at 1:22 am
Of course I look at the garbage littering the small counter in front of the ATM. Friday night jackpot!
I typically don’t look though unless it’s visible. Afterall, people would think I was weird if I started rummaging through the garbage while they waited
. Hmm…I should still try it.
But if I see the guy in front of me drop his, I’ll be the first to pick it up. I’m a people watcher and I already analysed his body language; I just want to see if I was right!
November 18th, 2005 at 3:01 am
You guys better just be on vacation