Halloween is just around the corner, time to take out the chainsaw and start carving pumpkins again, everyone can be an artist like they are Bruce Campbell on crystal meth. Joy. You know, the night of the dead always held a special place in my heart. I am still unsure if it’s because I have a twisted relationship with dead and spooky things or just good old mental problems. Call me a damn zombie lover if you want, but I think the Corpse Bride is cute and I told my girlfriend that the Forsaken girls in World of Warcraft are the sexy, she though I was kidding. I can’t really blame her. When someone tells you that throat slashed, stomach gutted, rotting girls with half boobs and only speculation as to what hides under these decomposed panties are hot stuff, it’s hard to believe they are dead serious.

Some people will have a party this Friday or Saturday you know one of these typical “Hey man! Your passed out in front lawn vomit choked dick hanging out of pants piss on yourself costume looks fucking real dude!1!!”, will be out trick or threatening old hags for razor packed goodies or doing some happy shower stalking for free PG13 scene where boobs wiggle and girl scream and more boobs wiggle. The options seem endless, the fun as cruel and dumb as it should, like poking someone in the eye with a plastic straw just for kicks.

Of course Halloween comes with its fair share of retards and morons. A girl at work was juggling with the idea of buying a Darth Vader costume for her dog. Now how just wrong is that? It is perverted shit at best. I mean come on you stupid! Vader as a dog this is probably the lamest thing I’ve ever heard since Steve Carell said “There is a party in my pants” . It is just stating the obvious that animals can’t use the Force and they don’t give a fuck about it. Ever wonder why there’s no Wookie Jedi, no Ewok Jedi? It’s because animals are idiots lazy motherfuckers that just sleep all day, have food and shelter handed to them for free over the sole fact that they act cute, chew on computer wiring and piss all over the place rather than work their ass and do something useful once in a while. It only leaves me wonder how a dog bark sounds in a scuba suit, let alone how would they wield a lightsaber. 1/10 for you bitch!

Some theatres will dust off the old Rocky Horror Picture Show, I attended a screening when I was around 14 or 15 year old. Of course the movie sucked and it’s about a singing nipple twisting Franken-Queer on LSD or whatever, I don’t know. I never paid attention to the story and never really bothered, it’s people attending it and shooting each other with Supersoakers, flying rolls of bathroom tissue and thrash dancing in the front of the screen that made it so fun and famous. Saw II is opening today and there’s always the rental classics like; Halloween by John Carpenter, the Nightmare Before Christmas from Tim Burton, The Crow, Evil Dead the list could go on forever but you get the point, if you don’t well fuck, go try some stainless steel barbed wire dental floss no need to write back to tell us how it feel.

I will probably go out in the old Montreal to attend what they call La Grande Mascarade. Hopefully I won’t come across a girl dressed as Jar Jar Bink and her hamster pet dressed as Emperor Palpatine or I believe it’s going to be chainsaw time again. Chop! Chop!

Happy & Safe Stalking everyone.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 28th, 2005 at 1:24 pm by NoSympathy and is filed under Columns, Life From The Fridge. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.